Last night there wasn't anything on T.V so the missus asked if she could watch Gok's Fashion Fix, about 15 minutes in, I became so paralysed with boredom I decided to go trawling through all of my junk email. There were hundreds, but the best one I found was entitled ‘Curly lesbians loving each other on this one sugar.’
I figured I should share its content with you;
“Unchaste fuaalck sessions unsuspectingly filmed by everpresent security cams other air debt Big-breasted brunette goes for tip-faaulck <http://art-armara.com/images/banner/stage.htm?rf=harbor> support would And they bought a Pig, and some green Jackdaws, noise Ill find my way owner day tben Although we know theres much to fear when shadows fill our day pwavelengthmagandcoandukm shock agreement”
It left me with a number of unanswered questions:
Who exactly bought the pigs and jackdaws?
Why did they buy them?
And, what does this actually have to do with curly lesbians?
What is a curly lesbian?
What is it about shadow’s ‘filling our day’ I should be so frightened of?
And finally, what kind of shock agreement are they talking about?
I quickly replied and complimented them on their bold efforts at trying to ensure the message had evaded the junk filter by using manipulated language, but told them it ended up in the Junk inbox folder anyway so they ought to try another tactic. I also asked for some clarity on the above points.
After that, with Gok in the back ground showing my missus that he can make a pig look like Cheryl Cole I made a cup of Chai and delved deeper into the darkest, forbidden back waters’ of my email to see what else had been hidden from me.
Mails about growing and thickening my penis, something called the ‘Rosseta Stone’, $200 fake Rolex watches, bio fuel projects in Ghana, owning my own franchise, WinZip upgrades, online casino’s, Russian dating sites, a message from somebody called Hilarius Austen about online meds, reducing my mailing costs and a random email from Andrew Cotton about his new blog site.
Apart from the one about Curly lesbians, perhaps the most interesting of all was the one about me getting nominated to be a part of an important looking ‘Who’s who register’ from a friendly man called John Franklin – the vice president of the Research Division. He writes:
Dear Ben, It is my pleasure to inform you that on November 2nd, 2009 your information was reviewed and accepted for inclusion in the 2009/2010 edition of our registry.
The Global Directory of Whos Who each year, recognizes and selects key executives, professionals and organizations in all disciplines and industries for outstanding business and professional achievements.
This recognition is shared by those who have reached a distinguished level of success in their chosen profession.
Please take a moment to complete the invitation by clicking on the link below. We ask that you complete it carefully, as it will be reviewed by our editorial department.
http://www.globaldirectoryofwwonlineform.com/index.php <http://exult.Emailnetbox.com/c/c/22766/4395/7369945/>
** Please complete the online link by November 30th.
The Global Directory of Whos Who is pleased to inform you that there are no fees or dues to be included in the publication.
On behalf of the publishing department and our esteemed staff, we wish you continued success. Sincerely,
John Franklin
Vice President, Research Division
Seeing as thought this had to be completed by the 30th of November last year, I frantically mailed him back;
‘Shit, John. Sorry for the lateness of my reply, as you have clearly noted I have reached a distinguished level of success in my work, even though I’m a photo editor of a surfing magazine and not technically an executive. But, regardless of this, is it too late to register?’
It’s now 930pm the following evening and I still haven’t had a reply. Why am I telling you all of this you ask? Like I said, I was bored and if I’m bored, then I think you should be too. Ben
Bio Fuel = Happy Ghanan's
Gutted
Mmmmm.....
Cotty's blog: caught by the junk filter
I can't tell the difference
This is a Rossetta Stone, apparently
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